Too Sensitive?! How can this be?!

You know... I'm no stranger to a good conversation.... or I guess you can say that I've definitely been a bystander (far too many times, if I must say) of an argument or a debate.  And one of the things that irks me the most is when people start throwing out gender roles and what they think a "real man" or a "real woman" should be like.  Sometimes it's hilarious to me... sometimes I can't stand it.

One of the things I'm starting to get upset about is the whole.... "You're too sensitive" mumbo... I posted this on Facebook not too long ago.......

.....Since when did it become a crime to be too sensitive?! How is THAT considered to be feminine (in a negative sense)?! If I chained you up in the basement.... sliced a large gash in your arm and let it bleed out... and every couple of hours I stopped thru to sprinkle a little salt in it....we'll see how insensitive you are at that moment.....

And after you UNDOUBTEDLY.... start wailing in agony... I'll make sure to tell you... "You're too sensitive and you acting like a lil bi*** right now" "Man up"....  

The truth is.... We all need healing... Almost everything you think you know about bein a real man and a real woman was taught to you by non-blacks.... We starting over from ZERO POINT.... 

This is not an indictment against any particular gender group.  NOOOOOO.  Not at all.  I just wanna get that out the way before I really get started.  Black people have been so lost as to the knowledge of self for so long... that we have taken on the characteristics of our oppressors in an astoundingly potent manner.  We do a very good job of hurting ourselves just as much as the oppressor has hurt us.  Historically, he recruited some of us to carry out this specific purpose.

Men emasculate other men on the regular.  Trashing women all in the same.  You can't call a man a bitch... or say he's acting like a woman and not diss the woman in the same breath.  We've made it ok to say that if  there's some kind of personality trait or emotion that you don't particularly care for.... you can associate that with being like a woman.  And women do it to other women just the same.  Sooner or later.... Women won't want to be womanish anymore....All those same insults that make you feel less than stellar, less than what you were created to be here on this planet, women hurl em at women and men all the same.  And what kind of world do we live in where women constantly "emasculate" other women?!  What kind of man would readily accept from a woman (who knows nothing about what its like to be a man) the level of shame she's trying to place on him for not meeting her expectations of what a "real man" is supposed to be?

Why is it like this, you may ask?  Well we live in a society based on competition and superiority/inferiority.  In gender relations.... Male is greater than female... Therefore, even females tend to lean towards being more manly.  They want to be strong, independent, emotionless, tough, unyielding, less needy, individualistic.  That is the ideal personality in this society.  No matter how you physically look.

When conflict arises, all of the Machismo and Bravado comes out, and a simple conflict over a simple issue may turn into a battle of honor, respect, and reputation.  We turn what would be non-violent arguments into brawls when we bring those elements into play.  Mostly because we've been taught to compete with one another.  Being a man means being on top, being the best, being dominant, being in control, being protective in modern society.  Any time any of those components of our psyche is threatened by our environment or surroundings, it then becomes like a trespass or a challenge to our manhood.  We're supposed to be physically imposing, physically combative, stronger, warlike, infallible.  As soon as something comes along that proves we're not, or that there's someone greater than us in any of these attributes.......We, all of a sudden, take it as a loss of manhood stripes.  It's like we sat and watched National Geographic to determine what manhood and womanhood is all about.  Men ram into each other and women love the winner.  Women allow themselves to be submissive for the ram that has the most physical prowess.... And her life can drastically change over a battle that she wasn't even involved in.... And the ram that loses might as well be a goat... a woman goat.....  I pose the question... when was it OK to identify your personality with that of the BEAST!!!!!! When did animal behavior become the benchmark for human relations?

We've all seen the videos.... tons of em exist... There's a video of a young man cold-cocking a lady who was all up in his face for calling him all kinds of stuff.  "Bitch, Bitch-Nigga, Pussy-ass-nigga.  Sorry to be so blunt, but you know what I'm talking about.  A girl trying to emasculate a boy..... and that all seems fine until he knocks her out.... Then everybody chimes in.... calling him the same exact things that she was calling him in the first place.... cause he decided to put his hands on her.... thus, breaking some unwritten code concerning male and female behavior in relationships.  Now he's labeled too sensitive... He's too emotional... He's a punk.  No man should ever hit a woman.  What's wrong with him?!

Also, at that moment, they finally say that it's alright for her to be a girl.... the weaker of the two.  The victim, the less physically-dominant, the emotional.... Only when she's bruised and beaten is it alright to associate that emotional state with normal female behavior... When she's hooting and hollering tho... Name-calling and acting dominant before the punches were thrown... Nobody had a problem with any of that either.  Or at least they didn't step in to protect the male from her emotional tirade.  Everyone usually says... that's how girls are these days... and HE has to be the "Bigger Man".  No one says that a guy is the "Bigger Man" until he walks away from somebody already perceived to be weaker than him.  Even though she was emasculating him in the process, and posing as the more dominant figure, nobody told her to be the "Bigger Man", cause that wouldn't make sense telling that to a female, would it?   But we also expect her to know that she is the Weaker Woman and walk away and be the Bigger Man?!  Man... how does that work?!  The question in her mind has to be..... Either be like a man and dominate the woman-like man, or be like a woman and be weak and helpless..... A confusing situation for a young woman, nonetheless....

So how confusing is this a situation for a young man?  A woman can gash and slash you.... and poke at your wounds constantly.  Oppress and beat you... and it's wrong for you to have any kind of emotional response about it?!  If you defend yourself, you're a coward.  If she successfully beats on you, then you're a weakling.  Nobody's gonna stop her from oppressing you, cause they believe you should be able to defend yourself?!  Half of the people are looking for entertainment, and definitely wouldn't mind calling you a chump for the rest of your life.  So they're waiting to see how this turns out.  Either way, your reputation will stick and stay with you for the rest of your life.  Damn.  Men are supposed to be invincible I guess.  Inside and Out.   What is he supposed to do next time when he's put in that same position?!  Sit there and let her dig deeper into his perpetually renewed wounds?!   Next time she might not play so nice.  What if emasculating insults turns into baseball bats and pistols?!   That's how we treat the weak, right?  As if their lives doesn't matter....  If you were a real man... you would be able to overtake her anyway, I suppose.  Or let the bullets bounce off of your chest.  That's what a "REAL MAN" would do.....

The fact of the matter is that everything we learned about gender roles came from people who didn't have our best interests at heart.  They've never gotten this issue straightened out.  They're never going to figure it out.  They don't know what a real man looks like.  They don't know what a real woman engenders either.  They're guessing and overvaluing certain traits and devaluing others.  Ignoring parts of their soul at the expense of their very own health and the health of their environment.  Maybe the problem is, the people who created this outlook on gender ain't REAL people.  They're MADE....and we shouldn't seek to imitate a made human.....

What we need is BALANCE....... Balance of all personality traits.... that's what keeps a person healthy and a relationship healthy as well.  A Real man and woman have this balance.  A real man has no problem dealing with his emotions and sensitivities as does a real woman.  Neither one of them sets out to dominate any other person.  They only dominate themselves.  That's what being "real" is about to me.  We need more really real people.